Making money (not really)

Hello people,

So I don’t have a lot of money, which is okay, except I want lots of money. Enough to at least pay for all the food that I seem to need. After that I need to pay off this stylus that I have been going a little crazy with.

So that just leaves the question, how am I going to get the most sought after thingin the world, and how am I going to do that without any real talent or skill?

Me at job interviews.

The answer is simple. Gambling.

Not gambling exactly, at least not pure gambling like throwing confetti at a lawn mower. More like doing stuff with money where the money might go away, but it might not. I don’t know. When I studied finance at university they said things like stocks and foreign exchange and I think there are ways to win stuff.

So what do I do now? I don’t know. I’ve been trying to make money but it is pretty tough. A few months in and 10% down isn’t good for my pile of cash, which I have already told you isn’t big to begin with. But in the past month I am back to only being down 5%, which means I am going up, if only a little.

So maybe you will see me one day with my nice house, red speedy car and gold bars and think ‘Hey that guy made it.’ We will have to see about that. For now its just me in this small room without any money piled on the floor.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

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I don’t watch much news

Hello people,

Do people watch TV anymore? I don’t know. Do they watch the news? Everyone seemes to be up to date with things somehow. Not this guy, I’m a little slow when it comes to the news.

First problem is that I don’t really know how to. I think most news come over in things like feeds or alerts, or other internet things that I am still unaware of. But I don’t know,  it could be people are just watching continous stream of channels as they clutch onto their bedsheets and scream prayers into the wind.

How useful is it? I can’t tell you how sick I am at having to stare at someone with a stupid look on my face as they try to inform of some breaking story and then seeing them become more and more dissappointed realising just how much information they are going to give me just to give context for the thing. I am not well informed. Eventually they will give up and move on to someone else who also knows such things and the two will giggle about how smart they are and call me an idiot with soft voices. Every person I come across becomes so much more interesting because they have heard some news story or are up to date with the political stuff.

Why?

Most information isn’t technically necessary. Have you ever wondered why we know the names of like 8 planets and whatever the hell Pluto is ( I heard that story). Most people know the names of no other planets because they don’t matter. So it doesn’t matter that we don’t know, but I will tell you something else, we could know the names of no planets, not even our own, and it still probably wouldn’t matter. In what context would knowing that the planet Mercury has that name be essential information other then on a game show or to look cool in front of people like me. Well you could work for N.A.S.A or have a space program yourself (like me, but I don’t need to learn the planets because I will just name them when I get there because I think that is how it works). Other than that, nuh, you are never going to be the guy who gets that phone call late at night when the meteors are coming and people need to know what that thing in the way of the missiles is. So you can forget them if you want to. Go ahead.

With my space ship I will name all the planets.

What’s that? You don’t want to forget. Of course you don’t because you want to be one of these people looking down their noses at me thinking you are better then me. Well you may be better then me, more then likley are, but I’m still not going to look up feeds and articles and whatever else you animals do.

That’s why I don’t watch the news; because it is too much work. And I have an easy enough time not feeling good about myself everyday that I do need to add one more failure into the mix.

I should probably start watching the news if only to be ready for big events like zombie apocalypse’s or the start of some epidemic, but a lot of it always seems to be noise. Anyway, I will see how things go. The bigger stories usually find their way to me. And nothing bad that ever happen to me seemed like it should have been advertised before hand, but who knows.

Wait. What the heck is that?

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Getting Fed

Hello people, 

I didn’t get to go to any parties, but I did do something well and close enough. I went to the city. Now I know what you are saying: Bah gawd! (J.R. voice) there are people in this city dude, you are going to get caught.

Yeah you are proabably right, but at this point I’m not going to be able to sleep like I wanted to, so once again I need to find something to do. If people start coming for me, such will be my fate. They’ll start looking and staring and thinking and screaming – ‘What is this then? Some kind of freak show apparently.’ I’ll just have to smile and take it, thats the price the city asks.

Now there is another question: what in the name of goodness is there in the city that could be worth that agravation? Only my favorite restaurant.

Boom! Sealed to perfection.

This is it. This is the one.

A little extra.

Have a look at that. Now I know that I can take a photo just about as well as I can sketch on my tablet here (which is to say that I can’t do either) but if you aren’t seeing the magic in the pictures above you aren’t using your useless, stupid eyeballs properly. The flavour, the texture, the beauty, its all there baby just have a look.

Have you seen that video where Petey Greene eats a watermelon (I am not a racist). That’s the kind of man who knows how to enjoy food, same as me. Him with his watermelon and me with my Chinese food (I’m still not a racist).

Anyway, I finished these things off nice and slow, finding a nice and quiet seat in the park. I had Rick and Morty playing in the background as I took care of business. After a few hours I finished, cleaned up and went home. It was a good time spent in the city.

The weekend is almost over which means it will be time to work soon, which means these things will be coming slower, maybe I should have paced these out a little. I will try and remember that for next time. Here is one more thing in the interim.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Watching ‘Why Him?’

Hello people,

So I didn’t get to stay in bed all weekend. Believe me I tried, but come 6pm members of my family decided that I should do something physical. I was suspicious because these are not the kind of people who give too much thought about the sake of others, but it wasn’t enough. Years of being a soft mush man have left me weak and within thirty minutes I was driving these fools for an hour of my life. I suppose that was much better for my health and sanity.

Anyway after I had taken them where they needed to go I found myself far from home, and alone. I decided that it was time to do something, anymore driving and I knew I’d be a risk to the others on the road. A shopping center was close by, stores would be closed, which was good because I didn’t have any money. What wasn’t closed was the cinemas.

I’m the kind of loser who feels nothing about going to the movies alone. I also own a cinema rewards card. I know, calm down, but like I said, it was either this or a wild drive through the night and it was too early and the streets were too lively to get away with that much longer. So it was the cinemas for this guy.

The movie of the week was ‘Why Him’ so that was the one I went to. Cheaper by 50% and staring 2 actors (Cranston and Franco) that I am pretty big fans of it was an easy enough decision.

It was a good movie with lots of funny parts. Was it great? I don’t think anyone would say that, but it would be one rough S.O.B who wouldn’t want to watch the thing once or twice in a life time.

Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley are in the movie. Apparently the two of them are KISS, no mention of Ace, Peter, or any of the other members who were in the band for ten years or more. I suppose that makes sense since The Rolling Stones are basically Mick and Keith. It was funny, but more because seeing a couple of old guys in costume walking and singing in the streets is uncomfortable and awesome as opposed to people ironically ignoring something like that. But what do I know? It got more uncomfortable when this pair of notoriously stubborn and Jewish dudes started singing Christmas songs. I don’t remember which song they were singing but I’m pretty sure it was one of the meaningful ones as opposed to the fun ones. Still, any KISS is better then no KISS.

Not the weekend I had planned, but it hasn’t been too bad so far. Maybe I will go to one of those cool people parties. Oh, that’s right, I haven’t been invited to any.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Weekend Waster

Hello people,

Its the weekend that means its time to party. You go ahead, I’ll catch up later, just let me rest a moment.

Now after the hilarity of us imaging we are ever going to party with one another, don’t worry I’ll do what I can to save you from the horror of that reality, lets get to brass tacts. What’s the plan for this weekend?

I’m sure you are a regular enough dude or lady (wassup), you probably have friends. Well lucky you, you probably  have big plans for these couple days ahead. Heck you’re probably popular enough that you’re in the middle of doing something right now, outside of reading this of course, which I always assume you are doing with a free moment in the toilet. That’s pretty gross but I get it, lifes tough.

So you are busy with stuff, hey thats great. You’re the type who spends all week working to get ready for these few days. Not me though, nah, I’m siting this one out. You need me I’ll be in bed having a party on my own.

But you don’t really want to be in bed all weekend you say. Maybe, but really I am a little too cool to be hanging out with anyone right now.

That’s a lie?

Uh, uh, uh, uh-hhh another random picture.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

I bought a stylus

Hello people,

I’ll quickly confirm what you may have guessed from the title of this post, earlier today I bought a stylus for my tablet.

Why?

I don’t know.

Am I a child?

No.

Why do I draw like a child?

I’ll try add more pictures with my posts, but don’t expect anything, I sure wish I hadn’t. Most of what I have been drawing are just beady eyed stick figures without any expression. Its horrific, I can’t even draw a proper circle.

Hear my words: don’t buy a stylus.

I will conclude this thing with a bunch of shapes. They don’t mean anything but this is the corruption that comes with obtaining a stylus along with a mediocre means of expression. You will be subject to this until you give up and stop coming here. (And yes, squares are the extent of my creativity)

Thank you for reading and good luck with everything.

It is coming

Hello people,

This is the start of my blog. This will be where I will mumble and groan at you about all the things that are going wrong for meĀ until you decide that you no longer want to listen.

So get ready, this won’t be fun or interesting. It will just be a whole lot of misery which will be heaped on you in a fruitless and excessive fashion. You will soon learn that I am a very sick individual who should be nowhere near a keyboard. But here I am with both a keyboard and a ‘website’.

So get ready. Or don’t. I don’t know.

I’m just trying to say that I am going to write more soon. So don’t go anywhere.

Thanks for listening and good luck with everything.