Watching ‘Wonder Woman’

Hello people, 

I watched the new DC comics movie this week, you know, the one about that lady superhero. Ugh, what was her name? Not Supergirl, or Powerwoman, not Black Canary. Not Bat woman, or Batgirl, and it wasn’t Huntress or Star Sapphire, or even Starfire. She was like Greek or something.

Wonder Woman, that was it.

I watched the Wonder Woman movie this week, and it was a really good flick.

Wonder Woman is almost always great, whether she is in her own comics, the Justice League comics or even the cartoons, but I guess people were nervous about this movie. I liked the new DC movies (the ones starting with Man of Steel) but I can understand why people may not have, they are instantly comparable to the Marvel movies and the older DC one’s and are not on that level.

This movie was very good and was lots of fun. It isn’t overly complex, and won’t require viewing too many other movies. A basic understanding of Greek Mythology and World War I may be beneficial, but whatever. This movie can stand on its own. You don’t even need to watch the DC movies or read the comics if that sounds like a horrible time so thats good for you guys.

What’s good about this movie?

The action is exciting, lots of bright gunfire and special effects for people who like their superhero movies to be superheroey. Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) is great to look at, which is reiterated by almost every character in the movie and there are conflicts of morality and fish out of water humour sprinkled into the works.

The thing is set right at the end of the first world war and there is some period piece stuff, not as much as in Captain America, but it was still cool. It is also set on the Paradise Island (Themyscira) and that was a fun part of the movie.

There is some hooplah about lady stuff in this movie, but I don’t look into any of that, if gender issues are big for you then you should probably look deeper into this before watching it. I don’t think anything happens at the expense of the ladies that isn’t justified, but I also don’t know what to tell you that won’t end with you hating me. So you may want to look into it more. Plus I’ve seen too many kung fu movies to get excited seeing another action movie starring a lady who beats the crap out of everyone.

I’m so past the point of caring or thinking about movies that I would be happy with just about anything on the screen. Cardboard boxes could be bashing into each other and I’d be all over that movie. But for softer and  cooler people there are also a lot of significant emotional beats. You will notice when they happening because they are all pretty big events. As such enjoyment may also depend on how gooey your innies are.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

In The Way Jones

Hello people,

Get ready player, exciting news here, this is where it is happening, this is the blog, where it all goes and doesn’t stop to take any breaks. If you aren’t buckled in boyo it’s aready too late for you.

Yeah right, you say. Stop wasting your time.

Relax fella I’ll get to the goodness you’ve come to know and tolerate. Unless you’ve gone already. Uh. Ok, the main part of this week’s blog is to introduce you all to a new character of mine, a little man who goes by the name of ‘In The Way Jones’. Get ready, get amped, this one is sure to be hit.

Heck you might know him already because this fella is an evergreen property, an every man. You might know a hundred like him just wandering aimlessly through city streets and staring at bits of newfangled technology. Maybe you’ve been at a restaurant and noticed that the waiter is nowhere to be seen. Maybe you’ve looked over and seen that some troglodyte is sitting there staring at a menu and repeating the phrases:

“Um…”, “uh…”, “well…”, “this, wait no…”, or  “what’s good?”

While a stupefied waiter looks on in terror as the drool and spittle amasses at their  feet and seeps into their stockings. Tears will bubble out of their eyes, as their minds try to hold onto sanity.

If you’ve seen someone like this you may chanced a glimpse into ‘In The Way Jones’ or one of his many minions.

You are in the Way Jones, aren’t you?

Yes. You are right once again buddy, there is no pulling wool over your eyes, you would just see through any of that stuff with the perfectly formed pearls where your eyes should be.

I am the man every comedian talks about when they justify neutering the majority of the species. Someone whose only purpose seems to be to get in the Way and muck up the works. 

Maybe it’d be easier to go with it. I wish I could. Be righteous about the mess I leave in my wake, the one that people can only look at before smacking themselves in the face until their minds can make sense of it, or their eyes fall out so they don’t have to look at that kind of filth anymore. I wish I could laugh at their stupid, desperate faces as I just sit there in the middle of the intersection of our paths.

But I can’t I help getting in peoples way. It seems like it is the only thing I am any good at. I am pretty sure I ain’t any good at this hopeless blog. But I am good enough at throwing glue all over everything I can do it without even trying. I think that’s why I spend so much time in my room. I just want to avoid that look people get when they have to look at me.

It even happens at work with people I have known for years. I will just be sitting there with my lunch, probably a sack of dirty noddles, and someone else will step into the breakroom and just stare at me. There is only one table, because the company is managed by the kind of people who think thats funny. After a couple minutes of getting stared at I realised what the deal was. My noodles were all kinds of stinky and this person was giving me the look that I had gotten just about everyday of my life. She was asking the universe why I had to be there. I took my noddles and left, leaving her and the table alone.

People know what to do in every situation, I don’t know what to do in any. That’s why I stand there in everyone’s way. I’m just trying to figure out what everyone’s doing, I’m trying to figure out how they are doing it, and, I guess that there is a small selfish part of me that hopes that while I stand still, the whole world will stop around me, maybe let me catch up. Only it never stops, and ‘In The Way Jones’ just falls further and further behind until he becomes a statue, or a spatial anomaly around which the temporality of time is warped and twisted.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Week Leak (June 2017 #4)

Hello people,

Here are the questions:

Have I been applying to jobs? Yessum.

Any response? Nope.

Still blogging? Absolutely. 

How have you been? 

Okay, I’ve gotten over the sickness from last week, but there was something that happened. One of my teeth has a hole in it.

How long has it been there? I don’t know, but I figure it didn’t get there over night. The thing was covered with either a membrane of tooth or calcium which broke off this week.

What does this mean?

I need to go to the dentist, which I hope to get to some time next week. I need to go and wait around and then give that mug thousands of dollars to either pull the thing out or fill her full of junk, or sawdust or whatever they do these days.

How does this happen?

Too much soda. I want to say bad luck, but there are too many factors that made this happen. The last time I went to the dentist they told me I just naturally have soft mushy teeth which would chip away with even the slightest bit of pressure. Hooray. They told me I need to be careful and play it safe. But did I listen to their threats, no, because I don’t do nothing nobody tells me because this outlaw goes renegade for life. 

So I am left to the same fate as most pirates, a mouth full of no teeth and a belly full of soda.

You don’t brush your teeth, that’s the problem.

I brush my teeth just fine, a couple times a week or whatever, and I floss every other month. Yeah maybe I had this coming. Still, that’s hindsight and you don’t use that around me okay.

Well I suppose losing all my teeth won’t be so bad. I’m not in any pain right now and when they’re gone I can have all the smoothies and sodas that I want. I can’t lose the same teeth twice. So there won’t be that hanging over me. And who needs teeth nowadays, not with 3D printers and megapixel cameras, and I don’t need any teeth to keep on blogging.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

For your satisfaction

Hello people,

Do you ever think you are getting too old? I think that it just happens one day, some youngster we saw in the mirror becomes ruined by a strange angle or phonto. Terrible, but it isn’t just the loss of my chiseled figure that scare me, I think I have just lost understanding of a basic word.

What does the word satisfaction mean?

Maybe it says something about what a fat thing I am but the only thing that I think of satisfyying is eating. Maybe the ocassional book or movie, and then there are the deplorable acts that I get up to when I am alone in my bedroom.

I figured it had something to do with having one’s expectations met, mixed with a kind of enjoyment threshold that needs to be reached. A dog walk needs to be really good, or overcome something to be elevated from simply good to satisfying. That’s what the Rolling Stones song was about right, they were saying Satisfaction or something. Is satisfaction just feeling good. Sure a quick google search would fix this, but I’m so old I don’t even know what that is. What?

The satisfaction videos I watch on Youtube seem to think everything is satisfying. They include watching people bake, colorful liquids diffusing into one another, dominos falling, cute animals, honeycomb stuff, extreme sports, and whatever else they can fit into 5 seconds intervals. 

I don’t get it. I like the videos, these things are cool to look at and some of the imagery is pleasant. But why do they need to claim that you should be satisfied by watching them, and so what if I look at them and think ‘that’s kind of cool.’ am I a monster or have I just been satisfied without realising it. Name them feel good, or pleasant videos, that is what they are.  

If I bake a cake that may be satisfying, but only because I get to eat it, or give it to a pretty lady. But I don’t bake and I am never satisfied (and I try, and I try).

I’m sure some young person would better explain what has happened, and where my cloistered existence has failed to understand basic things. Good for them, good for everyone. Stay satisfied, just don’t come for me to try and tell me you don’t know what happiness is when you can get satisfaction at the drop of a hat.

I guess I’ll leave it there. Maybe I’ll ask you a question. Are you satisfied? Was this blog satisfying? Could I ever satisfy whatever kind of creature you are? Have I lost touch with reality, lost sense of the meaning of words? Is this blog just an incoherent jumble of words, was it ever anything else? Am I slowly creeping closer to being the bald sausage everyone thought I’d be? What happened?

These are the question. Answer them now. 

Thanks for reading.

Ad Idols Getting Paid

Hello people,

I don’t watch news on a continual basis, but there are stories that come to me, although they are slow and meandering in their approach.  

One of these stories was about a concert on an island called Fyre festival. Heavy rains and last minute cancellations caused problems for a good deal of people who had paid thousands to go. Did I pay to go? No, of course not, my parties are all at home and in bed and with myself. But it seemed like a cool kind of thing, Ja Rule, Blink 182, and others, I remember those bands from when I was young.

A Listers were promoting the thing. People who had the task of looking pretty and just showing up were supposed to be there. Pretty ladies like Emily Ratakowjski and Bella Haddid had said they would appear, but come go time they decided to cancel. The whole thing seemed like a mess of organisation and it just made me feel awful sad for the people who paid up to hundreds of thousands to go.

Why do I know these names? I don’t know, they are people in the ripped up magazines that the place I work at lets us peruse when they don’t sell. Magazines with glossy pictures that show event after event of these same familiar faces.

I didn’t know that famous people get paid to show up. Maybe I did, but I guess I never really thought about it. It makes good sense.

Suck in all the marks who want to be in close vacinty to celebrity, I guess I kind of understand it, but now enough to leave my house. As much as it probably sounds like I keep harping on this I really don’t leave the house as much as I really should, not for anyhing social anyway, No concerts, or festivals, or exhibitions.

I’ve been to comic conventions, I’ve seen people that I recognise from TV’s, movies, book covers, all kinds of things.

If so how long do these people have to hang around? What do they have to do while they are there. Places like coachella, concerts, Disneyland, any other kind of place I am not clever enough to think of.

I saw Patrick Stewart at a comic convention, and he looked miserable. I reckon Patrick Stewart is as cool a dude as there is, but he shouldn’t have to have been forced to kind of dump that would let me in, not if he wasn’t getting paid enough to make him happy. I can only imagine that this idol thing is something like that, a bunch of mugs who can’t even get jobs and still live at home with their blogs and don’t even get one view or spelled right, and they miserable like professor x. Maybe they are on the hunt for fun, they go to these gatherings to make some stooges fantasies come right.

But we don’t expect benevolence. 

So in total, what is there to say about this promotional idol thing that I never really thought about? It’s pretty cool, I don’t get some aspects, like what the appeal of going to a place in hopes of catching a glimpse of a famous person, but I love money, so if they can make money that is cool. As for seeing pretty ladies. I work security, I see dressed up ladies all the time, and I’m at the age where most ladies on the street,  no matter how little fame they have earned, will make my heart flutter with excitement, right before it sinks of course and I remember what I look like to most of these beauties. Then I leave the street, go home and look at pictures of pretty girls who aren’t looking back and getting ready to hurl.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Week Leak (June 2017 #3)

Hello people,

The weekly questions:

Have I been applying to jobs? Yes.

Any response? No.

Still bloging? Sure am.

I have been sick all week. Lucky for you it didn’t stop me from blogging, but it was a pain for me. The doctor laughed in my face and told me it was just some kind of virus due to the cold. He said I didn’t really need anything but he wrote me a prescription for some cough syrup anyway. I downed the whole bottle to ease the pain, a few days later I woke to find that I still felt pretty sick.

It’s winter now in this half of the planet and that isn’t good for me. It means I’m going to be spending a lot more time in bed with the sniffles. Being a larger fellow everything is supposed to be insulated, but my blubber don’t work that way. It only keeps me from doing fun things like dancing and running, with none of the expected benefits.

My nose is just useless most days, I always have the sniffles no matter how warm the weather. I don’t know what does it, but the thing has pretty much been a pointless mushy appendage since I was a child. It doesn’t work for either breathing or smelling and is only good for a steady supply of mucus and fluid for most of the year. I have been whacked in the thing during sparring only to have it leak like a shower head.

The mucus and bile never stops, it only gets worse when I get sick with something like this. Then it goes into overdrive and pushes out those little nuggets, even when I am sleeping. Which isn’t the worst thing about being sick.

The worst part is waking up. Having that feeling first thing in the morning as though someone has taken a glue gun and stuffed the thing in my mouth during the night. I can feel things tearing when I swallow and  need to tilt my head and let water tumble down my throat, neck and chest in equal portions to loosen things up. I have headaches, sore muscles and tubby knees and there is no way to stop this from happening.

I sleep with three blankets and two hoodies and it never gets any better. No matter how warm I can feel the chill air close by, seeping in at each crack and mishapen fold that creeps along my covers.

It got so bad that I had to take two days off of work, which is rare, because I am so tough and strong.

I asked the doctor why I may have gotten sick.

He said that during Winter people tend to stay indoors more, which means they are more likely to get sick. So as a message to you lot don’t stay indoors too much because there are apparently germs and bacteria all over your home. They are just laying aroound waiting in your bed and on your walls to turn on you when you aren’t expecting it. This knowledge isn’t good. It of course doens’t help that I only really like being home and if it were possible would never leave at all.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything. 

Bread Problems

Hello people,

I think this blog had pretty clearly become some place for me to riff, and write whatever comes to mind. Menial things that my mind can comprehend because it can’t grab hold of bigger things.

This is probably the simplest.

As the title suggests this is just me thinking about bread. So please turn away now go back to your homes and hug your loved ones, you should not have come here.

If you are still here I suppose you are one of those who like punishment .

Okay for real, this ain’t about bread are you kidding, but on the level it is totally about bread.

And by bread I mean like the stuff you put meat into, not like money.

I already did a money blog.

Now onto bread. Bread bread bread bread bread bread bread bread bread. Bred bed beans beads breads bread bread bread.

This is DJ Bread. *note – You’ll was meant to be y’all, but apparently I didn’t do that, sorry.

Okay enough of that, sorry. I opened up the refrigerator a few days ago to find that it was full of bread, I looked into the freezer and found that it had been packed with the stuff. My first reaction was to scream, and rave as though some bread obsessed maniac had broken into house, terrifying us with his powers before killing us in some baking related way. 

But I realised that would be too simple an explanation, instead I had to gauge from the laissez fair attitude my mother had to the abhorrent living conditions.

She had done this. A blatant act of sabotage and an afront to the family dynamic.

But why?

I don’t get it. I am the kind of degenerate who, when I am in the mood, can finish off a loaf or leave few enough slices that they can sit on the counter for a few hours. If I’m not in the mood I’m not going to see all that bread and dig into that gooey or cold and solid mess. Especially when there is literally nothing to go with it.

My mum has the idea that bread should be eaten with every meal, which is fair enough at restaurants, but at home a couple slices is all I can manage. Its too much mum.

Another thing. It’s not like they aren’t making new bread every day.

That aside there is something about bread that has always bothered me. I must have been a child when I was eating a sandwich, and my craziness must have manifested because I squeezed my hand as tightly as I could. With a simple squeeze I sort of ruined my illusion of bread forever. The stuff just became this doughy gloop in my hands and I had to eat it which was horrible. 

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

No more bad things

Hello people,

Do you need a safe space? You should probably leave if you do. I don’t plan on saying anything too over the top, but truth is with my limited social experiences, and the fact is that I don’t know what is going to have you checking all of your closets and hiding under the blankets. So you should move forward cautiously, this is not safe ground you walk on buddy.

I don’t understand people wanting things to be safe, not in a world with an internet. When I think about what heinous things I saw when I was younger, things like foreign movies on the more obscure chanels, or the obscene pornography that kept poping up on my browser even to this day. 

I think deep down everbody hates how they were raised, because that has to be it. They had people around them who their parents didn’t protect them from. Either that or the world is full of paranoid dudes who think everyone is going to ruin their progeny, so these safe spaces exist to sort of back trace all the damage, when they finally find they have a serial killer roaming through their home.

But who knows. I’m not the dude that should be looked at as the example of what goes right by not restricting things for young people. 

Universities are apparently safe spaces, and I am not a smart enough person to be able to figure out why. I had no friends at university, no people to talk to, no groups to join, for the whole time I was there, the only thing I had to go by was the learning, absorbing ideas, reading, writing, using the dirty internet, all the fun stuff. I don’t understand why people would not want any ideas, no matter how foreign or hurtful to come about. If people are racist, better to see it.

I understand if a teacher walks in to the middle of the crowded lecture room and sceams the triggers “Rape” and “child abuse”, maybe you would need to look a little closer at his reasons for doing so. But what kind of system ever let that happen? Your more likely to get that from some pious protester or some dude getting the ladies riled up. Who gets blamed if that happens? The teachers. 

Students want to be protected so they can go about their feel good gatherings and sex orgies, which I’m not invited to, meanwhile their parents can blame the schools and the teachers when things go wrong. Why can’t I just hang out and come to the parties, I’m not racist.

Isn’t it better for these things to come up in universty, where they can be discussed, or explained by a lecturer who is capable of going through things that they have been through several semesters before hands.

Well university was fun in any case. I’d look at all the pretty girls and imagine them giving me smooches. 

 Of course I don’t really care about any of this safety stuff. I’ve been ruined by the internet, an untame place where there is no one to explain things or guide you into the mire. The same thing will happen to the rest of you.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Week Leak (June 2017 #2)

Hello people,

So here are the questions.

Have I been applying to jobs?  Yes.

Any response? Not yet, but fingers crossed.

Still blogging? If you can call this blogging.

So I  have talked a little about my security job and some of the fun things that happen there, but this week is going to be a little different. Things like getting sucker punched or spat on can wait a week or so. This week I’ll talk a little about my other job. A cruel and thankless position in the world of retail, and I say that while barely even having to deal with customers.

I have the monkey job of taking thing out of box and putting thing on shelf. Usually the store is closed and all the cool people who run the registers have gone home. So I don’t have to deal with customers, I just work alone with some boxes.

Those are some jobs you got there, you must be a talented individual.

I understand your sarcasm, but they aren’t the worst jobs to have, they just feel like it. Which I suppose is like getting your eyes impaled with needles, it isn’t the worst pain you are ever going to experience, but that does not mean you can just grin while it happens, night after night. 

Is it weird that I both my jobs only ever make it seem like I see the worst in everyone? Is that how everyone feels? Security is bad, but retail isn’t much better. The amount of thieving that goes on should not be tolerated. People just walk into the store, take a drink from the fridge, chug away as they wander around and then just chuck the thing when they are done with it, or get bored. That is just the cheap stuff. Walking through the store I find; empty bottles, pilfered legos, phone cable boxes, thrown about bed sheets, and whatever else people want to destroy in their wake. 

People are like animals, the only difference is that I can forgive my dog for not knowing how to behave when he leaves urine stains all over the place. People should know better. But I can’t say that to any of them because I need to be nice.

Well the thing I wanted to talk about is they are changing my hours. Instead of having to work at late night I now have to work in the middleing afternoon. Big news I know, but hey, whatever. My nights are free-er but now my days are ruined. I figure they are targetting specific employees with these hours, probably people on the verge of retirement, parents or desolate douchebags who write blogs in their spare time. Only I don’t want to be this douchebag for too long, so I figure as soon as I can get that job its goodbye to the retail stuff. 

I have got to get a job soon or I really may go crazy.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

 Domestic Amuser

Hello people,

Who are the people who see the worst side of you? Your family probably. If not you might just be a passive agressive psychotic who takes out thier frustration on strangers who don’t deserve it, or deserve it less then your mania keeps telling you they do. Yeah that dude just looked at you wrong, that’s straight disrespect, you can’t let someone get away with that. You need to find out where they live and show him the way a real man looks at someone. I’m not telling you what to do, but you should maybe calm dow there fella. Anyway I am sure you are pretty cool no matter how psychotic. You are here after all.

What about your funny side? Are you only funny with friends, with strangers, on the internet, in the comments section of an awesome blog, with family, maybe with people who you are trying to get lovey with.

For me it is my family, but they are also the only ones who see any side of me. And that is if I ever manage to get out of my bedroom. It is pretty lame but I think they have taken the brunt of everything. All my failures, victories, and feelings get felt by everyone in the household. Even my pet dog seems to cower a little if I am in an especially dark mood, but I do not know why. It isn’t because I am direct with anything, but they can’t ignore the corrosive blob of a man that I am as I wander through the one hallway in the house without some kind of interaction.

I try to not be spiteful, but I dont really explode on people either, mostly I just try to keep everything bottled up inside. I feel it pulsing at night as I try to force myself to sleep. It’s a kind of quite passion, for nothing and everything. It is like this blog in that way, and also for the fact that it not worth much and is only really noticed by me. I think security helps. You get to see people at their most socially unfiltered, risky and petty. All the while you have to stay neutral, no matter how much logic seems to lose all meaning.

People on the streets just do not seem to think I’m funny. I’m sure people who read this blog probably think the same. But my mother and brother sort of do. I think that is because they are scared of me, or they are sure that I am in the middle of a terrible craziness as I shift towards some malformed end.

Before that happens I will keep annoying them with my attempts at jokes, no matter how much they seem to not want them.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.