Week Leak April 2018 #3

Hello people,

Not much going on this week. Waking up, going to work, and finding time to do what I can as far as this blog goes.

Security work was alright. Watching people dance and flap about is always fun.

Was I dancing?

No.

But wasn’t the music hypnotising? How can you not dance?

I don’t know dude. Maybe it’s because I like people looking at me weird. It’s fun when people shuck their way up to me and look disappointed when all I can manage back is mild spasticity. Or maybe it’s because I’m scared people will just think I suck.

All I ever do is this sort of bouncing thing to try and sort out the pain in my stupid ankles. Does that count as dancing? I hope so. I might jut about to the beat of a song. But actual dancing, no, dancing is hard. Moving how you think you’re supposed to move is scary.

Music itself is weird. I like music, but still, the fact that you are supposed to have feelings when a song starts. Why do I have to? You dont tell me what to do music man. I feel what I feel. Same with singing, I don’t like the feeling I get singing. When it’s happening its fine, but afterwards I just figure I’ve just been like a bum spitting everywhere and ruining everyone’s train ride. Even if I am alone. And I don’t like that I sing along to so many songs, ruining them all.

I know people are called betas if they just sit back and follow or something, and there doesn’t feel like there is anything more beta then singing along to some silly song no matter how metal the track is. What? Some stooge wrote a poem and tapped on a bunch of instruments and I am supposed to have some emotion that only you can bring out.

No way dude.

I have emotions and they don’t got nothing to do with your song bro. It doesn’t even matter if everyone in the club is bumping and grinding all over each other with no clothes on. Smacking butts and stuff, pumping fists and whatever. I’m not doing that. I’m standing like a professional in the corner, making sure no one is getting stabbed. Which I suceeded in, none get shanked this week, as far as I know.

I don’t even care when everyone stops dancing, joins hands and starts singing. Hearing everyone screaming along to the song I like doesn’t make me feel part of a community it just hurt my ears (you don’t need to scream), and makes me want to go home.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

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Week Leak April 2018 #2

Hello People,

An uncomfortable thing happened this week. In all my efforts to try and avoid any kind of news from the world outside my bedroom one story has penetrated the dilapidated walls of my hovel.

Apparently there was a chemical attack in Russia, and it was staged by England.

What does this mean?

I don’t know. I only get headlines most of the time.

Was anyone hurt?

I hope not, but, I don’t know.

Then why talk about this?

I’m not talking about nothing, but as a weirdo whose mind is like a Lego set whose blocks continuously caves in on themselves. When I hear a story like this I can only think about one thing.

James Bond.

That’s offensive.

I don’t mean to be, but I like fictional stories and imagining things happening in imaginary ways. The truth is I’m probably not smart enough to figure out what a story like this means in the real world. In my stupid brain, when I see this story I imagine James Bond on a mission.

Agent 007 is searching. He has followed a hot lead on a cold case, and it has taken him into the heart of Mother Russia. Going for a longshot, but the only one he’s got. He needs to find the thing that has tormented him for so many years.

And what happens.
He finds it, S.P.E.C.T.R.E. The headquarters of the shadow syndicate. The one that killed the woman he loved, butchered his friends, lured some to evil deeds and taken every opportunity to just be whole bunch of jerks. Driven to drugs, drink, killing, gambling, hitting women and any kind of thing to avoid the madness he goes for it. Full on attack, he loads himself and his car with whatever weapons he can, relying on firepower more than any kind of plan.

And what happens.
Q turns heel. The man whose job it has been to keep Britain’s greatest spy safe with any kind of gadget conceivable has had enough. He has seen his friend ruined by these animals and decides to finish them for good. Blofeld won’t be taking any secret tunnels to escape this time. James Bond is confused as the controls of his Aston Martin are overridden. The windows cannot be shattered as he beats on them and the buttons in the console do nothing as he presses them. The car stops, something shifts loose from beneath the car’s chassis. It shoots off in the direction of the Spectre’s headquarters. It is a missile. A chemical weapon, one that obliterates the base and everyone inside melting them with its toxic fumes. James watches as his vehicle drives him away to safety.

The car takes him to the safe house. Q is there. James Bond is about to beat one of his only friends in the world to death with only his bare hands when he is interrupted. An alarm goes off, the Russians are coming. They have used their superior computer skills to find the safe house. Bond doesn’t want to fight, he came for Spectre. But there is no way to escape. They are surrounded.

And what happens.
Bond tells Q to hide. Bond puts down his gun as the soldiers enter. He pretends to be a regular Russian citizen, but it is no use, they know who he is, they know his name. James tries to defend himself, but the Russians have numbers and Sambo skills. They throw 007 to the floor and start beating at him.

And what happens.
Q comes out hiding. In his outstretched hand he holds a rather simple gadget, a mobile cell phone. It is on loud speaker and Bond can recognise the voice immediately. It is M, the head of MI6, she says a few names and the Russians take notice. Their leader starts talking back.
Bond, still dizzied from the beating is only able to make out a few words as they pass. He hears words like deniability, rogue agent, understanding. James Bond knows enough of his Russian to know what they are saying back, justice, war, punishment, agent… M agrees, slowly but eventually. Q is taken by the men and James Bond is left bloodied and beaten on the floor.

And what happens then.
Everyone covers it up. Spectre is no more, Q is gone, and Bond, Agent 007, the top agent at MI6 is told to forget about it and go home.
He finds a replacement Q with a whole slew of new gadgets when he gets there.

I don’t think any of this happened, but I didn’t read any news articles. I made this up because I just can’t think of anything else to write about.

Sorry.

It’s a probably a good idea that I stay away from the news for a while.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Mr Professional Man

Hello people,

What’s the matter?

Oh the cold shoulder aye. Fair enough.

Well what happened?

What do you mean?

It’s been like a million years. Man, you haven’t even been doing nothing.

Come on, pal, that isn’t right. I’ve been doing stuff, you remember don’t you. All those things we got up to.

So what?! I’ve been busy with stuff, like you know.

What do you want?

We deserve explanations. We deserve to be entertained.

Alright, alright, I’ll dance, I’ll dance. Um, yeah, booty boo, boom, yeah, tully Bali, petoom maloombi, Wicker Snicker. Um, uh, hmm, oh man I got nothing to say. I’m too tired to make any kind of point.

You made promises.

No I didn’t. Yeah I talked about some things in my old posts many years ago and I’ll try to get those finished, but you know move on with your life in the meantime. I’ve still been writing stuff here and there, but just not putting anything on this blog.

My crummy hobbying has been taken over by important things, like playing video games, eating, and relaxing. And don’t you lot expect anything to change.

That’s mean.

That’s me, Admiral Lazy Man, the one who can ooze through sewer drains to avoid any kind of responsibilities.

But what is this? In my idle wanderings I have stumbled too close to a nuclear reactor and I can feel the power of radiation causing a change in me. Yes, I have been touched by the radioactive juices and I can feel them altering my genetic being.

Well that’s it. Admiral Lazy Man is no more. Too long have things gone by so shoddily. I have changed now. I am now Mr Professional Man, the hero who is always on time, and always professional.

Let me write a blog right now.

Or who knows? I don’t care. I have plenty more video games to play and plenty more relaxerings to be doin’.

What? That’s not professional. What happened to Mr Professional Man? What about the hero who is always on time and always professional?

Yeah, he died, or something. I don’t know. I’ll think of something later.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Week Leak (April 2018 #1)

Hello people,

Well it’s the end of the first week of the second month a new year.
Is it too late to say happy new year?

Yeah. Of course it is.

Oh, okay then. Well I guess I can talk about some other stuff.
Well, the weather is going pretty good in this little part of the world. Which is my bedroom, under my blankets. (Hello ladies?) But yeah. What’s been up this week? Too much to believe yo.
I’ve got so many things to do, but the most important is to start saving up some money.

What are you looking to buy a house?

No. I got something much more important than that to look forward to.

What could that be?

Car registration. I have to pay for the registration on my car.

Come on, how much can car registration be, like fifteen buckaroos or something?

Do I look like the kind of pussy that would be complaining about fifteen bucks. Are you calling me some kind of ladylike vaginal thinger? (Hello ladies?) But yeah. I wish it was something like fifteen schmeckels. In the fun country of Australia for the privilege of putting my hunk of garbage car on the road I have to pay the tidy sum of $800.

800 Australian dollars? What is that like the cost a slice of bread or a bag of marbles you cheap degenerate?

Hey you can make fun of a lot of things about a man. Like the fact that he is overweight, balding, bad at drawing, bad at writing, lazy, racist, sexist, stupid, has a small winkie, is surely mentally debilitated, and just generally unpleasant. But to make fun of that man’s national currency is just a cheap move made by some kind of scumbag bastard.

Anyway I don’t mean to complain to you fantastic readers about my problems, I don’t got no problems only responsibilities.
I think someone said that the reason the registration is so high is because of insurance costs. There have been a lot of accidents in Victoria or something (I’d put in stats here, but I don’t do that). So yeah, hopefully everyone stops crashing so much so I don’t got to pay all this money. But if people are crashing take the money, what do I care. The more we pay, the less we’ll drive.

I might even start taking the train again.
What? The train is late, and has also been involved in an accident.
What the frick is this Shit?

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Week Leak (August 2017 #1)

Hello people,

These are the questions:

Have I been applying to jobs? Yes.

Any response? No.

Still blogging? Yes, but not well.

I can’t do voices, at all.

I don’t know if, though I understand if you haven’t.

They are badly drawn cartoons, and that isn’t me fishing for compliments they are obviously horrendous. Probably only saved by the fact that I have stolen images from other things and used them which I think is okay because as weak as they are I hope they are somewhat parodic.

I don’t know what I am trying to do with them, I have sort of just been riffs with them and trying to figure things out as I go. Youtube is weird but then so is most of the internet.

As for the videos they don’t take too long to do so I’ll try and upload some more, but those voices man are some hard things to do.

If you have heard them that will be obvious stuff.

Writing these things in my car are simple, but driving to some secluded place to to scream into my telephone only to have the results be so disappointing is tough to do.

Still, I’ll try and keep doing some. Maybe the voices will get better, and maybe I’ll be the next Mel Blanc. If nothing else there will be a whole lot of crikey cartoons that I can look back at a few years from now.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Where is the point?

Hello people,

Here is a quote that I like:

Here’s a good idea. Have a point – Steve Martin.

It’s from the movie ‘The Jerk’.

I looked back at some of these blogs I’ve written and they are not good.

There is a lot of incoherence and ramlbimg, I think

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Week Leak

Week leak
I got a parking ticket.

Here’s some I don’t have a lot of money, heck if I consider my debts and student loans I have less the little money. I owe the world a lot of cash, but even so, I just keep finding ways to owe more and more.

I got a parking ticket a few weeks ago.
I sent the city council a letter to argue things that I thought were unfair. This is advice to you lot reading. You can’t beat the system.

I work security, I know why rules like parking enforcement are needed, it’s to make things manageable and fair for the majority of people over the minority. Finding parking in just about any city sucks, but it sucks for everyone, that’s what’s fair.

The above pictures would be described as being following the rules.

Maybe I haven’t properly shown you what the place is properly like. But who are they for. The houses on the street have garages and drive ways. These aren’t high rise apartment megablocks. Why are these spots next. They apparently aren’t there to help the block of shops that are nearby which I don’t understand at all. If my complaining doesn’t mean anything why are they letting their customers get tickets for literally no reason, should I blame them, the stupid council or the opportunistic rat of a ticket maiden who gave me the thing.

15 minutes I was there, I want.to blame someone, but the messed up thing is that I have to blame myself and just admit that I am a freaking idiot.

I didn’t think I’d get out of the ticket, but I did not know that the would punish me for even trying. The letter they sent back, the one that told me that I had been rejected told me the new date due date for the payment. It was earlier then what was on the ticket itself. So not only did I lose two weeks of saving up for the thing, waiting for their response, they punish me on top.

Obviously I know everything is my fault for being an idiot and having to pay a couple hundred dollars is fair response for that. It just sucks that these kind of things just seem to keep happening again and again. And everything is just a reminder of how much I suck. The only thing I can do is point me middle finger at everyone and say that it is all their fault just to keep myself sane. I don’t deserve an ego, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t need one.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything. 

Watching ‘Baby Driver’

Hello people,

Who doesn’t like Edgar Wright movies? People with no class that’s who. Or maybe just people who aren’t digging what the man is cooking. I don’t know, I like Edgar Wright, but it is reasonable that there are people who don’t like this guys movies. Some people only like girly, girly movies with lots of kissies and touchies. Gross man, I want some other stuff.

That aside the new Edgar Wright movie is quite a ride (car reference). This film was good and from what I am hearing a lot of people are saying a lot of good things about it. Was it his best movie, no way. That’s a three way toss up between Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead and Scott Pilgrim which depends on how I am feeling at the point of time they are on. I can watch them every other day because that is how good those movies are.

Should this film be stacked alongside those flicks on the shelf of super cool flicks you should watch?

Maybe on the farside, next to the pornographic section of your library. Or you can put it next to your other crime movies about driving and music.

This film has a style to it, which was very cool. A lot of it revolves around music. Entire scenes are sort of choreographed and edited around the beat and tempo of a song. This works for action scenes as well as simpler scenes, there is a constant stream of music through everything in the movie.

This kids obsessed with music that sounds lame and stupid as shit. Why?

Well they explain it in the movie with a few reasons, but beyond that, I don’t know. Put it down to music being cool and the style of the movie making people act weird and strange. Just about every character in this movie acts weird. There is even a vigilante character that pops up for one scene who seems to be building up to something but just disappears.

This film is full of weirdos, but if you like realistic, non stylistic stuff then you probably won’t like Baby Driver. This film is about quirks and being quirky. You can imagine being like the main character because you like music and dancing down the street don’t you? Because you are cool. All the tough guys make fun of you, they dismiss you, but that’s cause they don’t know that you are actually bad ass and can do this one thing that can smash their little nips in.

As far as weird characters go, I don’t care. The people, though eccentric, and you can literally look at how everyone acts in the movie yourself to see, even the children are odd, are just quirky and don’t diminish the film.

The action is very fun, especially when coupled with the music. The driving scenes are exceptional. I just kind of wish there were more of them earlier on because the first sequence of the movie is so fantastic. But still there were sombre and emotional scenes that were also good.

The one point of the movie that I found a little off putting is its final act.

Things become chaotic and a whole bunch of action occurs, but like I said the action is great. The weirdness I saw came from the characters and events. A particular one is Kevin Spacey’s character and decisions made relating to the final mission.

In total, I am not someone to say that anyone is weird or whatever, that’s like a fish making fun of a squid or something (I don’t know), but it seemed that everyone was super quirky which gets more strange as the movie goes on. If you like music and style, and a little driving, this film is pretty good. Another fun one from a cool director.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Week Leak (July 2017 #4)

Hello people,

Here are the questions:

Been applying to jobs? Yep.

Any response? Nope.

Still blogging? When I can.

“You did a good job.” Thats what they told me just a few weeks ago, but things change.

A few weeks after the stellar showing at my security job things have gone in just about the opposite direction. It happened because of this shift this weekend. The first thing to go bad was a phone call I got from the boss just as I was getting ready to take off. I go where the boss sends me and this week I was told to make my way to a new joint.

They were understaffed I was told and he told me to get there as fast as I could. It’d be me on the door and another guard roaming around inside.

New places mean new people. Which mean new impressions. I’ve never been good at first impressions, heck I’ve never been much good at any impressions. My family can attest to that.

I figure they needed one look at me to make up their minds up about the kind of person I was. So the other guard greeted me with something close to annoyance. He told me to stay on the door.

There was a function happening. I was supposed to just stand there and not bother anyone. I did so. The other guard joined the staff behind the bar, I am pretty sure they spent most of the night joking and snickering about me. This was not a spectacular way to start a shift, but I did not have to worry about that, the night had bigger things for me to worry about.

Trouble can be the kind of thing thats unexpected or something you see every inch of of its advance towards you. With security it is always a mixture of both. I have a tendency to be cagey, usually because I feel the pressence of some impending chaos. It hangs over you like an anvil suspended by a narrow string. I see evil in every face that comes by, if not I at least see its potential.

The bad start to the night, and the fact that all the people were walking around me like I did not exist were getting to me. But it was fortunate that besides the function the place was just about empty.

It was too cold and quiet for your average joe looking for a good time. The most any of them would do was step into the place for a little while and quickly move on.

A good portion of the night went like this with me just standing dumbly on the street, looking scared and cold to everyone who walked by on the nearly empty street. The funtion finished up, whihc meant that the bigger part of the venue opened up to the public. a bunch of the attendees stuck around and were ready to party, but even with this it was still pretty quiet.

it would have been good if things could have finished up quiet, I had time to think. I was building up a resentment to all the suckers inside. I was having fun alone and in the cold.

But even though the cold lasted, the quiet didn’t.

The problem was the place I was working was a late night kind of place, so even on a quiet street in a quiet part of the city, when other places start closing early even the quiet streets get filled up with all kinds of people looking for warmth.

I was in a bad mood, so I was ready to send everyone away. Tell them their night was done and to look for comfort at home, with their families. But I’m only supposed to do that with peple who are already too intoxicated to be anything other then a risk to anybody, especially themselves.

So I let some people in. I sent others away, never without an argument of course, but that’s to be expected. It is a hard job trying to give a drunk person a reson why they can’t do something. The spirits power you and motivate you.

But trouble didn’t come from some I had tried redirecting home, that would have been something I’d be ready for. Trouble came from someone who had gotten through the cracks and weaseled their way inside. Someone who had been only slightly wasted, but had festered in the place behind my back.

Most people in bars and clubs drink. And as far as drinking goes it doesn’t take much to bend someone and make em weird, so if I am looking for danger in a drunk person it is usually physical stuff that I’m looking for. How people stand, how they walk, sit, lean, whatever, and especially any signs of violence.

The problem is these things only work so far. You get an idea of the kind of control a persons brain have over their body, but it don’t let you know where abouts their mind is wandering. What are they thinking?

You need to be real good to know if someone is having the good time they were hoping for, or boiling away and looking for any excuse to kick off like some kind of drunk, soggy explosive.

I’m not a good enough guard to know if that was the case this weekend, I’m not even good enough to know what happened at all.

Maybe it was a sudden thing, a clash between meatheads who realised that they weren’t about to back down to some douchebagin front of them.

Like I said, Ie was at the front door. I didn’t know anything at all was happening inside until I heard the electronic hiss of the walkie talkie on my hip.

“Back up, back up.” The guard kept repeating.

I told him I was heading over. He told me to get to the toilets.

When I got there the other guard was pullic a gigantic middle aged man out of the mens toilets and into the corridor. I moved in to help and grabbed the mans elbows and pulled him away from the door. Being this close I quickly notived someting, the man was furious and thrashing about. He spotted me with his animal eyes. I don’t know what he saw, but I could feel him shifting his arms to try and hit me. Lucky I was either strong enough, or he was spent enough that all he could manage was a little wiggling.

I told him to calm down, tried to find out what the frick had just happened. As soon as he calmed down a little the other guard started pestering him out of the bar.

The man stopped flailing and started moving along, the other guard told me to keep an eye on the men in the toilet to make sure that the fight didn’t start again.

As the giant man walked towards the entrance a younger lady handed him a wooden cane.

Inside the toilet there were four younger men in suits, all of them were in a state, but there was one in particular that caught my attention. The man was pale and had a wound in his head that was pouring blood. He was trying to slow it down with a fist full of toilet paper.

There was also glass and blood all over the floor tiles. The man with the head wound lookied like he was trying to say something to his friends, but it was pretty clear that his clock had been rocked and he was not making much, if any sense.

“What happened?” I asked one of the other men.

“That guy just went berserk.” he said.

The man said the big fellow had gone into the toilet, started swearing at the four men and in some kind of drunken fury had attacked them.

“He was hitting us with his cane.” he told me.

Luckily the man with the head wound turned out okay, it was not as bad as all the blood suggested and after a while he started making sense.

As he was leaving I told him he should probably go to a hospital he didn’t seem to want to.

Maybe it is my weakness as a guard to not assume that a man that goes into a bar with a walking stick is not going to use the earliest opportunity to beat people about with it. People have glasses, I don’t think they are just going to use them to slice each others throats. I don’t know what words were exchanged, I just know that somehow I messed up.

Maybe if I was in a better mood. Maybe more attentitive and this would not have happened. Maybe if I even sort of knew how to read a crowd.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.

Week Leak (July 2017 #3)

Hello people,

Here are the questions:

Have I been applying to jobs? A few.

Any response? Not yet.

Still blogging? Still going slow.

I just want to update you cool people on the whole infestation thing that I was talking about in the last post. If you want have a look at that one go ahead. If not I’ll just tell you that things in this hole that I am living in have gotten a worse because I have noticed that all my worldy possessions have been covered in tiny little insects.

I think the culprit is my excessive collection of books. I reckon some of them have gone bad and covered with mould, so I have taken action. What is the one thing mould needs to live and fester, air. I think.

So for the past few days I have been spending hours just looking over books, wiping away any bugs and suffing them into little plastic slips. You know the ones that are used for display folders, I seal them up tight and then tape them up.

I don’t know if this is a solution or will make things even worse, but I think my reasoning is logical.

The problems are; I am only about thirty percent of the way through my books, and also, I haven’t really found much in the way of mould.

I’m also not finding a locale for these things. There isn’t one place where they are concentrated, they are just everywhere in just about equal numbers. Going about their business, having their parties and whatnot. 

Maybe I’ll update you on whether this works, but I’ll probably leavew that for a month or so. For now I’ll have my fingers crossed, sadly that also kind of means that I am hoping that hundreds, if not thousands of tiny little insects starve, but hey, It’s them or my stuff. And no little bug is more important then my stuff.

Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.