Get ready player, exciting news here, this is where it is happening, this is the blog, where it all goes and doesn’t stop to take any breaks. If you aren’t buckled in boyo it’s aready too late for you.
Yeah right, you say. Stop wasting your time.
Relax fella I’ll get to the goodness you’ve come to know and tolerate. Unless you’ve gone already. Uh. Ok, the main part of this week’s blog is to introduce you all to a new character of mine, a little man who goes by the name of ‘In The Way Jones’. Get ready, get amped, this one is sure to be hit.
Heck you might know him already because this fella is an evergreen property, an every man. You might know a hundred like him just wandering aimlessly through city streets and staring at bits of newfangled technology. Maybe you’ve been at a restaurant and noticed that the waiter is nowhere to be seen. Maybe you’ve looked over and seen that some troglodyte is sitting there staring at a menu and repeating the phrases:
“Um…”, “uh…”, “well…”, “this, wait no…”, or “what’s good?”
While a stupefied waiter looks on in terror as the drool and spittle amasses at their feet and seeps into their stockings. Tears will bubble out of their eyes, as their minds try to hold onto sanity.
If you’ve seen someone like this you may chanced a glimpse into ‘In The Way Jones’ or one of his many minions.
You are in the Way Jones, aren’t you?
Yes. You are right once again buddy, there is no pulling wool over your eyes, you would just see through any of that stuff with the perfectly formed pearls where your eyes should be.
I am the man every comedian talks about when they justify neutering the majority of the species. Someone whose only purpose seems to be to get in the Way and muck up the works.
Maybe it’d be easier to go with it. I wish I could. Be righteous about the mess I leave in my wake, the one that people can only look at before smacking themselves in the face until their minds can make sense of it, or their eyes fall out so they don’t have to look at that kind of filth anymore. I wish I could laugh at their stupid, desperate faces as I just sit there in the middle of the intersection of our paths.
But I can’t I help getting in peoples way. It seems like it is the only thing I am any good at. I am pretty sure I ain’t any good at this hopeless blog. But I am good enough at throwing glue all over everything I can do it without even trying. I think that’s why I spend so much time in my room. I just want to avoid that look people get when they have to look at me.
It even happens at work with people I have known for years. I will just be sitting there with my lunch, probably a sack of dirty noddles, and someone else will step into the breakroom and just stare at me. There is only one table, because the company is managed by the kind of people who think thats funny. After a couple minutes of getting stared at I realised what the deal was. My noodles were all kinds of stinky and this person was giving me the look that I had gotten just about everyday of my life. She was asking the universe why I had to be there. I took my noddles and left, leaving her and the table alone.
People know what to do in every situation, I don’t know what to do in any. That’s why I stand there in everyone’s way. I’m just trying to figure out what everyone’s doing, I’m trying to figure out how they are doing it, and, I guess that there is a small selfish part of me that hopes that while I stand still, the whole world will stop around me, maybe let me catch up. Only it never stops, and ‘In The Way Jones’ just falls further and further behind until he becomes a statue, or a spatial anomaly around which the temporality of time is warped and twisted.
Thanks for reading and good luck with everything.